I've lived through shadows of the past

To search for truth until the last

Of breaths, this mortal mantle drew

To know the wisdom of the few.

Vast reasons through some knowledge gained

Through time, through space

A higher plain.

And of the lessons

I have learned

I've none remembered

No thought returns

Condemned to live once more in pain

Repeat mistakes, again, the same.

Heed not, it seems, my former self

Regardless of where logic dwells.

For the heart is treacherous

Who can know?

What malice, deep inside may grow

A promise made is blindly held

And binds us as a jailer's cell.

Yet, beliefs esteemed as righteousness

Can turn against us in the end

Misshapen, twisted, used in greed

Still they try to plant the seed

The fool hears only flattery

Ignoring signs he should have seen

Too late, when mankind is no more

And knocks again,

on heaven's door.

(c) 1995 Kat Starwolf All Rights Reserved

Letting go of the past has not been easy for me.  I was born looking back...

When the planets fell in the house of sorrow, dreams and long ago memories. 

In a sky full of tempests and thunder I awakened early to receive more than my share. 

The Dark Moon portended heartache which I have yet to outdistance.

Ancient memories sustain me through the long, terrible nights of loneliness;

a sentence I have inflicted upon myself for the crime of caring far too much.

My prison is knowing that I may never change.

The madness of a moment lost in time forever haunts me with its cold, cloying fingers;

wrapping around my heart, choking my Soul, draining me of life and breath and hope.

The demons stalk me in nightmares of pain;

torturing me mercilessly with their laughter at my ineptness,

my inability to pull myself out of the mire of hopeless desires.

I struggle to awaken from this endless night of torment. 

Conflicted, I reach out for love, for understanding, only to be abandoned yet again.

© 2007 Kat Starwolf  All Rights Reserved

For Gary

She watches as he slips away

she calls, but no one answers

Only an echo of the emptiness

that now surrounds her.

She listens to the pounding of her heart

as it races to match the pace

at which he runs.

She thinks she might have heard his voice

faint and far away

yet coming closer.

She feels a watcher in the night

And knows that he has touched her with his mind.

She watches through the window of her dreams

Confused, she wonders what it means

As he turns away in anger, an anger borne of pain

She reaches out and calls to him again:

"Open your heart, don't turn away

Open your heart, please hear what I say."

The mountains she has climbed

have left so many scars

And the wounds just get deeper with time

So she turns away

afraid to form the words

that will ease their pain

Running from the ghosts that fill her mind.

Though she tries to close the door

something stops her

The shadow that still hides alone inside

Reaching out for love that never comes

she hears him cry

But he pushes her away

His pain can't be denied.

She wishes that the memories

would leave her peaceful

So she speaks and shatters the years

of silence in between.

She waits,

but what is left to her?

There's no where, now, that she can turn

What, she asks, has happened to their dream?

She cannot love without him by her side

No one else can take his place

though many try

She pushes them away, shuts the door

Tries to live her life alone once more

and sits before the window

night and day

Hoping soon he'll come along her way

She watches through the window of her dreams

Now, she thinks, she may know what it means

But the past still leaves her hurting

And it's hard to face the pain

When she fears he'll never

come this way again.

(C) 1991 Kat Starwolf  All Rights Reserved

Come the demons from our dreams,

Question truths from which life springs

Where all the answers that we seek

Lie deep inside a veil of sleep.

The darkness dancing through this plain

Obliterates life's remains

An empty shell is all we own

Still searching for that one way home. 

Confusion, now, must reign supreme

Come the demons from our dreams

Alone, we pray to understand

                To know the truths of God and man.                

(C) 1993 Kat Starwolf All Rights Reserved